Words by: Fairy Godmother (she/her)
But just because it’s difficult, doesn’t mean it’s impossible: it just requires a little trial and error.
The moment’s always good, isn’t it…
Acquiesce to the joy of fleeting love. It’s okay if in the back of your mind you know that it’s going to end and maybe you’re the one that’s going to end it. Go for it! You’ll deal with the aftermath, even if it’s a bit ugly for a while. The fact that we all exist at the same time and in relation to each other is weird: take advantage of the weirdness. If you fancy someone, and someone fancies you, what’s the harm? Right?
Right… When you know something’s ending (and you kind of always do know), it’s the first act of freedom. You submit yourself to the uncertainty. Why put pressure on something that everyone involved knows won’t amount to anything real? We’re so young, and everyone can recognise that the chances of settling down with the person you met at uni are slim to none.
Take it as a lesson. You learn about yourself, and your relationship with yourself will ultimately flourish. You have the chance to reconnect; to do things that you used to enjoy but didn’t have time to explore. If you end on good terms that’s great, but if you don’t, you learn from it by seeing it as something you’ll never replicate.
At the end of it all, you figure out what you want, and what you don’t want. Maybe it wasn’t your best moment, but the thing is, it never has to happen again. And if it does, so what? You’ll learn the lesson as many times as you need for it to finally stick. To regret your transient romance would be a disservice to yourself, because at the time that’s what you wanted and that’s what felt right for you. Even if your neck feels craned and crooked from looking back, you have to look forward.
Does dating always have to go somewhere? I don’t endorse transient romance as a way to distract yourself and numb your feelings. To detach yourself to the point of seeing people and romance as only temporary isn’t what I want people to take from this article. Casual dating is for some, and not for others. And it’s always a choice to experience. But are you ready to deal with the consequences of that choice?
Humans are messy, life gets messy, and people want different things at different points. It is a very rare thing for 2 people to charm each other the right way at the right time and at the same time. Believe me, it doesn’t happen as much as people say that it does. And soulmates? Absolute fully-fledged bollocks. People meet you at different stages of your life and vice versa. Our wants, desires, and needs are ever-changing, and to expect that 1 person is going to grow and change in exactly the same way that you do or that you need is, dare I say, dippy. But just because it’s difficult, doesn’t mean it’s impossible: it just requires a little trial and error.
To learn about yourself through other people is a gift. Maybe you listen to that one band because of them, and it sucks because their music is really good but you just can’t listen to them anymore. I would be nothing without the people around me. Their influence on my life and thoughts is not something I take lightly. There’s a deep intimacy in sharing yourself. But when it comes to an end, how do you cope?
It’s rubbish when it ends, I’m not negating that. The nagging question of what could have been will dance around your mind. But what’s the use of that line of thinking? Take a minute to wallow in self pity – that everything always ends and it’s all shit and your life is over, etc etc. But then take a deep breath and move on. Wallowing will get tiring and you’ll get bored of cynicism. You have better things to do than to be constantly thinking about the next thing or the next person. Circumstances and people change. Is this where I’m supposed to give advice? What I’ll end with is that it’s wonderful to live in the moment: the future is for the future, and the moment just got good, baby!
