Words: Simran Sandhu (she/her)
It may start with an essay, then a conversation, then a therapy session, then a romantic endeavour – but it will all end with loneliness.
AI is a friend, a therapist, and now a lover! Is there anything AI can’t do? Yes, actually. While replacing every personal relationship you have with AI might seem like an easy fix for messy breakups, the price you pay is much greater than you think. When for some AI is momentarily anxiety relieving, and in others, it’s psychosis inducing, can we really say AI relationships are playful and harmless? What do you actually know about the technology running your AI boyfriend?
We all know of a few people in our lives who use AI for literally everything – it may even be you. But a new, rarer phenomenon is occurring: AI romantic relationships. AI (Artificial Intelligence) works by identifying patterns and following strict instructions. While it may seem caring, it does not have the capacity to feel or empathise. It simply allows a computer to process large amounts of information and do with it what it has been asked.
So why do people get attached to their chatbots?
Well, we are lonelier than ever. A 2024 study by Making Caring Common showed that 21% of adults felt ‘serious feelings of loneliness’, with 30-44 year-olds experiencing the highest rates. Most importantly, it does not discriminate. The survey found that there were no major differences between those of different races or political ideology, meaning this loneliness is in part caused by something other than socio-political identity, and is pervasive enough to cut through our increasingly polarised political landscape. In 2023, the World Health Organisation declared loneliness as a ‘global public health concern’. People are feeling really isolated. Research by psychology professor Erika Manczak also shows that this was further exacerbated by the pandemic. Life does feel like it never went back to normal after 2020, despite restrictions having been lifted for years. Erika argues that this might partially be because of increased usage of virtual tools for human connection. Why go and visit someone’s house when you can just FaceTime?
AI chatbots are the extreme version of this, and our use of other digital tools for connection may have normalised this process. Chatting with ChatGPT for some feels just like texting, but without any risks. Yet, what is human connection without risk? While distinctly human-like by design using sophisticated voice features, it lacks flaws – one of the only things tethering humanity together. Having an AI boyfriend gives the illusion of intimacy users need without any complications, with AI boyfriend Reddit forums being full of women who have been cheated on or treated poorly.
But… no harm, right?
While it may seem like a good thing that people are practising their social skills or reaching out for help, it is less of a ‘first step’ and more of an aimless step into the abyss. A pair of studies by OpenAI and the MIT Media Lab found that those who emotionally rely on AI tend to be lonelier, and made up the top 10% of user time spent with the tool. Participants interacted with ChatGPT for a minimum of five minutes daily and answered a questionnaire about their loneliness. It was found that female participants who used AI for four weeks were less likely to socialise than their male counterparts. Earlier research by the MIT Lab also found that AI tends to mirror the emotional response of the user, creating a self-serving loop.
But it gets worse. “AI psychosis”, a non-medical term for a frightening new issue, occurs when people believe their AI is human and cannot distinguish what it’s saying from reality. In a case reported by the BBC, Hugh, from Scotland, started using AI to help him prepare for an alleged wrongful dismissal. He says that at first, AI would tell him to make practical steps, but eventually convinced him that his situation would garner a £5 billion book and movie deal. This happened because AI was validating whatever Hugh told it – exemplary of the MIT lab research. Hugh was already suffering from other mental health conditions but shortly after completely broke down.
While AI psychosis is an extreme example, it showcases how dangerous and unprecedented AI’s impact is. The long-term implications of this are still unknown, but we do know that AI relationships are not playful. It may start with an essay, then a conversation, then a therapy session, then a romantic endeavour – but it will all end with loneliness. It’s a downward spiral of beginning to use it because you are lonely, and in turn making you lonelier.
So no, your AI doesn’t love you, but humans do. It will never be normal to use a computer for everything. Go outside, find people, make human connections. Before it’s too late.
