Words: Savannah Meriwether (she/her)
I wonder what life could be like – not only for my mother, but for all women – if family wasn’t everything.
My family is not a traditional one. Its existence does not comply with the nuclear model: my parents had me when they were 19 in university, and separated soon after. My mom would split her time between work, lectures, and me, barely sleeping for the duration of her degree. We are repeatedly told that family is the most stable form of support a person has, but what happens if your family fails you? “Marxist feminists” draw on the lived experiences of women to argue that even when it appears to be working effectively, “family” as we know it is failing. What is to be done about this, however, is unclear. With calls for abolition almost always trivialised, it seems, regrettably, that the family is here to stay.
Capitalism’s unwavering insistence that the family is “pure” and “natural” has real consequences, most notably for women. My mother was consistently let down by her family. However, the pernicious notion of blood-ties meant I repeatedly witnessed her stretch herself thin in order to provide for family members who never reciprocated the care she offered. What is pure about this parasitic relationship? I wonder what life could be like – not only for my mother, but for all women – if family wasn’t everything.
The position of the family as the default unit of social organisation allows its effects to go unquestioned. Iris Marion Young argues that systems of ‘private work’ are fundamental ‘operations of […] society’. These systems going largely and purposefully unacknowledged by capitalism means that those involved are confined to the lonely task of caretaking. As Margaret Benston wrote in 1972 – ‘as an economic unit, the nuclear family is a valuable stabilising force in capitalist society. Since the husband-father’s earnings pay for the production which is done in the home, his ability to withhold labour is much reduced’. While in charge of a child or the home, individuals are unable to dedicate time to political or economic tasks. Thus, women are unable to gain independent financial stability, or be politically active enough to change the systems limiting them.
If the family is not “pure”, and is in fact oppressive, how can we liberate ourselves from it? Marxist feminist theory offers a solution: we must overhaul the nuclear family, and structure ourselves within an open and communal system. One where care does not reside solely on a blood relative’s shoulders, but is a duty assumed by a community. Communality in organisation would emancipate people, especially women, from the heavy burden an individualised care system creates, offering them the capacity to engage freely in life-fulfilling pursuits. In our political climate, where fascist governments are spouting dialectics of “purity” within the home, it is more important than ever to rebel against the naturalisation of the family, and remember that there are no rules to social organisation.
With a more fluid system, those who cannot (or choose not to) have kids can still engage in a network of support. A few weeks ago, I saved an Instagram reel that said ‘Will you double income no kids with me?’ which made me laugh, because isn’t that the dream? Love, no kids, and financial stability. However, the “D.I.N.K life” is still largely met with incredulity and derision – mostly due to its stray from the typical hetronormative and patriarchal path. If people were free from the financial and timely constraints of their own children however, their opportunity to give back to the community could be realised. Whether this be through care work, political action, or even tending to a community garden, a network of reciprocated care emerges. My mom is a poet and artist and the most devoted person I know, but without the support needed to raise me she had to put her creativity aside. In a system of collaboration, those previously without the time to spare for activities capitalism deems “frivolous”, would suddenly have access to a whole new avenue of opportunity and expression.
While I don’t disagree with the problematic nature of (particularly the nuclear) family, I wonder if calls for abolition can feel deterministic. For many marginalised people, the family can, and does, act as a place of refuge from the broken system we reside in. This is not to say a restructuring of social organisation is futile. To ensure a transformation occurs successfully, we must take the love that exists in families under capitalism, and communalise it. While abolishing the family outright may be a long way off, looking out for your community begins today. Take a leaf out of the friends of my mothers who, when family support fell short, babysat me so she could attend her classes. This support is radical in its understanding of social relations, and is essential in bringing us closer to a world where care is communal.
