Words: Max Woodward (they/them)
There is an obsession with authority, and a complete rejection of submission. People everywhere are obsessed with the idea of imposing their will upon others and themselves.
I struggle with submission. As someone who lacked direction and self-confidence, I looked to others to make decisions for me. I desperately strived to be swept up in the current of someone else’s life to avoid making a path for myself. This was insidious, parasitic behaviour – I depended on others to affirm my self-worth whilst simultaneously always having something to blame when things went wrong. By submitting entirely to another, I found a way to relinquish agency. I am sure others find solace in this same relinquishing. In doing so, one may end up sacrificing freedom and autonomy. Sublimating yourself to a distant goal instead of a more fruitful present is a trap; missing the forest for the trees, in a sense. If you’re always working towards fulfilling an aspiration like buying a house, building out your stock portfolio, or becoming the world’s first trillionaire, it can be easy to forget about the short-term joys that make life feel full.
Pure submission is a dangerous approach to the world. It leaves us empty and relying on things outside of ourselves for meaning. We must practise a more holistic approach to submitting in our day-to-day lives. This approach involves making room for oneself and others to foster relationships of equity with those we care about. Practising intimacy requires a delicate balance. The imbalance of one’s own needs, the needs of a partner, and what you’re each capable of giving each other, can result in dire consequences. With time, I’ve made more room for myself in relationships so that they’re not a ticking time bomb. Sometimes, being easy-going is the most selfish thing you can do. By always going with the flow, I forced other people to make the decisions I was scared to. My relationships feel secure, and I engage with them actively as I’ve gained self-respect and taken responsibility.
Submission and domination are intrinsically linked. While the former certainly has its downfalls when practised in its entirety, this is not true for the latter. Domination has become ubiquitous in the drudgery of contemporary life. “Hustle culture” and the “grindset” embody our society’s obsession with domination, and have eroded our community values as a generation. I am just as guilty of falling into this trap as anyone else. Though I have never been intoxicated by start-up culture or the desire to become a billionaire, I certainly have been with power. I have gone mad with power in nearly every instance I’ve tasted it. It doesn’t matter what setting: whether academic, professional, or even social, I have often turned into a complete despot. Now, this is obviously a personal failing, to some degree. I don’t personally subscribe to the belief that all people would succumb to the same corruption if placed in a similar position. However, I do genuinely believe that the emphasis on individual success results in a culture that encourages authority and the domination of others.
Western civilisation has taught us that the most valuable thing one can achieve is to assert your authority. Being your own boss is one of the most parroted ideals in today’s world. These sentiments are attributed to the rampant rise of individualism in the West, which we owe to our capitalist overlords and the proliferation of start-up culture and “self-made” billionaires. There is an obsession with authority, and a complete rejection of submission. People everywhere are obsessed with the idea of imposing their will upon others and themselves. Everybody has convinced themselves that they are the “Übermensch” – the one who will rise above the masses. With this comes a complete rejection of all authority but one’s own, and an all-out focus on personal autonomy.
Striking a balance between the polarities of pure domination and pure submission is difficult. Centring one’s entire life on either submitting entirely or imposing oneself on others is problematic. As we struggle to find ourselves in this turbulent world, it’s very easy to slip into either side. How do we kill the part of ourselves that seeks to dominate without becoming a slave to something beyond ourselves? There is a way to submit oneself to support others without completely erasing one’s own needs. We are more than able to provide for others in our relationships while still setting the necessary boundaries to support ourselves. This is necessary to resist the proliferation of fascist attitudes and a war-like culture of dominance. We all have the capacity to be good, and I would argue that this is fundamental to our nature in a way that violence and predation are not. Community is built by putting the needs of the collective before the needs of the individual. It is with this attitude that we can move forward and live amongst each other in a world that grows more hostile and uncertain by the day.
