Words: Sophie Charlotte Graham (she/her)
The phrase ‘quality over quantity’ really comes to mind when thinking about the number of friends we have. University students (freshers in particular) often feel the pressure to make as many friends as possible, in the shortest time possible, to avoid the feeling of loneliness that could follow them through university. But is the outward pressure actually there, or are we stressing over something that might never happen? And, when meeting new people every day throughout your university experience, should you maybe begin to question how many acquaintances are truly your friends?
We have known about the youth loneliness epidemic for a while now, but the scale is still shocking – a reported 73% of Gen-Z feel lonely ‘often or always’. Perhaps it’s the perceived level of connection between us and our friends that’s creating this feeling. According to a 2020 study, the optimal number of close friendships is 3 to 5, supporting the idea that we should prioritise increasing the quality of our existing friendships, rather than panic-making as many friends as humanly possible.
When many students feel the pressure (freshers week and beyond) to make friends at such a fast pace, we have to wonder whether these connections are truthful or genuine. By giving into this force, many end up making “friends” with people that they wouldn’t have in any other circumstance, whether the result is positive or negative. You could, of course, find the best friends of your life this way, or you might end up with a group of people who have nothing in common with each other apart from forced proximity.
The “Connell Waldron” uni experience, defined by isolation and depression, is a common fear of freshers. It’s clear that it’s an issue – the prevalence of social media posts surrounding loneliness at university is striking. A TikTok post from @userinpieces talks about the childhood dream of going to uni being crushed with an overwhelming loneliness, as Connell Waldron’s very own monologue plays in the background. The post has over 8,000 likes, showing that people are not alone in their solitude. Feeling the FOMO is definitely not just limited to fresher’s week – it can also be a part of many people’s overall university experience. Seeing people’s highlights of their day on Instagram and Snapchat stories while you’re sitting at your desk alone in your room doesn’t help your anxiety, and neither does seeing people walking around in groups in the first couple of days of uni. You’ll probably start assuming that these groups of students have found their forever friends, their bridesmaids, their future kid’s unofficial aunties and uncles. And you’re watching them with the 2 other people that you have just met in your lecture an hour earlier. But is that really the case?
With the maximum optimal number of close friends apparently being 5, perhaps it is time to focus on your existing friendships, rather than trying to make more surface level acquaintances. The phrase ‘you can never have too many friends’ may be true in some cases, but it might not be so helpful to hear at university. Prioritising the friendships you already have can lead to greater fulfillment, as it allows you to connect with your current friends on a deeper and more personal level. You can call them whenever you feel like it, without feeling any pressure to go to some extravagant, entertaining event. You can sit in comfortable silence without a looming feeling of awkwardness filling the room.
In combating this feeling of loneliness felt by an overwhelming number of students around the UK, universities (and more specifically, Glasgow University) should take an active role in reducing loneliness among their students. Student-led societies like Dinner With a Stranger are an example of students taking matters into their own hands to change the inevitable loneliness that many students will feel at some point throughout their degree. Being able to meet people who are also actively looking for friends in a judgement-free zone is definitely one step that we can take in the long journey of reducing student loneliness. Putting more emphasis on freshers’ taster events could also be a motivator in getting students out of an isolated hole that they might be stuck in. Whether that may be a book club, movie society, or sports club, both introverted and extroverted students should have equal opportunity to find a space for themselves at university.
So, is our small circle something to worry about? 5 being the scientifically optimal number of friendships suggests not. We really should be cultivating close knit groups, filled with those who we can trust and feel comfortable to be ourselves around. There’s no harm in having people to chat with and meet up with for coffee – in fact, these casual friendships can be so beneficial and necessary – but those few close friendships are the ones that should be cherished and nourished throughout our lives. Remember – you probably have enough mates, and the people around you probably don’t have as many as you believe.
