Words: Francine Gonzalez (she/her)
‘Then again, I haven’t known my mum before she was my mum, and this is not to say that she is monolithic’
It’s funny because I told my mum that I was doing this article, and we talked about the pitch, and my mum wants to make it very clear that she did not give up her personhood to raise me; it was one of the first things that she said after she read the premise and that was her gripe with it. I don’t believe that my mum lost a part of herself or completely turned into something that she had never been before, but I do think that there is this metamorphosis that women go through, and you can call it motherhood, or you can call it the effects of societal expectation. And I’m not going to stand on my soapbox and act as if I’ve never wanted to be a mother. It is, I suppose, the natural progression.
My Family
Duffy, Alfie, The Monchhichis, and my two American Girl dolls, these are my children.
Didn’t you know? I’m a single mother of three boys and three girls.
Who am I doing this for? These aren’t my children, half of them are bears and monkeys.
Then again, I haven’t known my mum before she was my mum, and this is not to say that she is monolithic, and not to say that my mother was this one thing before she had children, but we have spoken about her childhood and we have spoken about what she wanted to be and who she was and I don’t think in any regard that she changed completely. I kind of want to meet my mum outside of being my mum, if that makes sense. For context, she moved to New York in the 90s, and you know she was going to museums and going to the opera and going to bookstores and going for coffee and going and doing all these things that I do with my friends in New York and then Glasgow 30 years later which is funny enough to think about on its own, but the thing is is why I do I want that version of my mum; why do I want to meet that person when I could just do those things with my mum in the present day? Something about the unburdened spirit and this carefree nature that young people have and that I have now. I guess I just want to meet my mum at the same age that I am now. Is that weird? Is that too much to ask for? Why isn’t she enough in the present day? It’s just weird, like why does it have to be in this sort of framework of a young woman who has her whole life ahead of her. I feel like a weird strange man.
Something About Her!
Something about her old glasses, and the way she used to wear contacts.
Something about the hair, something about the curls.
Something tells me we would have been good friends,
but we’re already good friends, aren’t we?
On Mother’s Day it becomes apparent that there is this kind of infatuation with a younger version of your mum. I don’t know what it is. Every single time Mother’s Day comes around, without fail – and now with being in Scotland for university I happen to experience two Mother’s Days – people post a picture of their mother ages before they had kids on Instagram. I find it hilarious that people post about it, because does their mum even have Instagram? Like, is she seeing this dedicated story? So, like, who are you posting this for? And I know that you are posting a young version of your mother because you are thinking about optics and beauty standards and like what looks good instead of thinking about your mother first and foremost. God knows it’s the day for it.
The Thought Process
Devoid of character, mannequin-esque, and superficial
It can’t evoke authenticity, or exude any significance that this person is my mother, it just can’t, okay?
And it just inadvertently reinforces this role for women where they only have value when they’re pretty and young and that motherhood does something both great and horrifying, because on the one hand it makes women fulfill their role in society to reproduce then on the other hand it does this ugly thing because it means that they’re ageing and they’re getting wrinkles and they’re becoming past their prime because they’ve fulfilled the function, and this could all be avoided if you stop thinking about the carousel and just rang your mother. Hey everybody! I have a fun task for you!! Ring your mother!!! I know you haven’t done it in ages – we’re all guilty of it. Prove that your love for your mother isn’t some transient thing. Call her!
